Realisations
by Kyizi
Summary: Cordy takes the limelight and Angel finally gets a clue... *NOW COMPLETE*
1. Singing Up A Storm

****

Realisations

By Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness

****

Disclaimer: Not mine, no point in suing, but you can have the overdraft if you like

****

Spoilers: None

****

Feedback: Purty pulease!!! Kyizi@lineone.net

****

Notes: This is just a short fic I wrote in, well, 10 mins! It's just a little thing that popped into my head and I wrote while it was still there (things don't tend to linger long before they're replaced by nothingness ;) )

Enjoy my first ever CA fluff fic!!

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

She walked slowly and cautiously towards the center. The lights were dull and she wished to God that they would blind her, keep her immune to the faces and expectations, keep her away from the faint but oh, so likely failure.

Awkwardly she glanced across the room, her furiously needy eyes grasping for that scent of normality, that sense of safety, those gentle eyes that belonged to the smug bastard who made her pick up the damn microphone in the first place.

The opening chords sounded and she gulped, "At first I was afraid, I was petrified..."

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Angel watched with a mixture of amusement and terror. He smirked as Cordelia glared across the room at him, her irritation evident for all to see. The ultimate terror would kick in when she stopped singing and waltzed across the room prepared to remove him of his manhood.

He gave Lorne a thankful glance before turning to the stage awaiting the music's imminent arrival. For some reason Lorne gave him a thankful look back. He wasn't _that_ bad a singer, surely. When he and Cordelia had arrived, Lorne had explained that, in order to read more, he needed to hear the notes...he then hastily added that since Cordelia got the visions, there was no reason why she shouldn't sing. 

He had, of course, failed to point out that he could, in fact, sing. It was oh, so much more fun to torture them with his terrified warble. Sure, when he was nervous he sounded awful, who didn't? And their reaction? Well that was just so much fun. The look of horror on their face when he would mention using Cariatas for help.

The opening chords resounded through the room and he watched, amused at his seer's plight, as she opened her mouth to the trembling microphone, "At first I was afraid, I was petrified..."

Not even listening to the words that were so obviously aimed at him for putting her in this position, he stared agape at his beautiful co-worker. The words began to roll of her tongue in a cacophony of sound as she began to move to the music. 

Gaining a little confidence, he watched as she began to sway her hips in a mesmerizing motion, seductively drawing him into her aura. He watched as she let loose, allowing the whistles and claps to lessen her fading nerves and he gulped. He watched the gentle quirk of her lip, the silent sparkle in her eye that began to come alive as she lavished the attention of her crowd. She looked powerful, she held them in the palm of her hand.

Her whole body began to sway, moved by the thudding beat that had begun resonating in his unbeating heart. His eyes took in every part of her, seeing her truly for the first time. Actually watching what she had become as if he were an outside observer. And he turned on himself and knew he watched her, mouth agape as the realization hit him with a resounding thud.

*Shit...I'm in love with Cordelia*

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

"...I will survive, hey hey." Cordelia raised her free arm as the last note echoed through the room, and she watched with a huge grin as the audience leapt to its feet.

*Girl could get used to this!* she thought, a beaming smile engulfing her face. 

She was by no means a fantastic singer, but she liked to think she had improved somewhat from her Sunnydale High days. And the fact that she had chosen a song that allowed her to use her personality more than her voice had helped. 

Waving at the audience, she walked off stage and straight towards the Host. He grinned at her and used his free arm to pull her into a hug, kissing her cheek as he tried not to spill his drink.

"Sweetie, you were sensational," Lorne pulled back and turned to Angel, "Wasn't she?"

Angel fidgeted and gave a weak smile, "Yeah, of course...I mean...she was...I mean yeah, great."

Cordelia frowned at him and turned back to Lorne, "So, did you see anything? What did the vision mean?"

Lorne smiled sadly, "I'm afraid I don't know. The vision drew up a blank."

"Yeah, that was the problem, remember?" She raised her eyebrows expectantly as if an answer should now be forthcoming.

Lorne smiled, "You have the answer. Go back to your watcher buddy and recheck that Scroll you found. There's more there than I can ever tell you."

Sighing, Cordelia turned to Angel, "Oh well, at least I got to be adored by loving fans, finally," she said, "even if they were a little on the otherworldly side. Come on, lets go,"

Lorne smiled, "Okay, but sugar, you better bring those pipes back here soon."

Cordelia gave Lorne a last glance and a smile, before turning to Angel, "Lets go." She turned to leave as the Hosts voice followed them.

"Oh and Angelcakes, realizations are only the beginning."

"Huh?" 

"Lets go." 

Cordelia frowned at Angel's wide eyes. He grabbed her arm and half dragged her out of the club.

*Vampires* she thought, the realization hitting her with a resounding thud, *I'll never understand them*

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

****

END PART 1


	2. The Perfect Gift

****

Realisations 2: The Perfect Gift

By Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness 

****

Disclaimer: Joss, I'll fight you for 'em

****

Notes: Again, came to me and I just had to write it down! I thought I'd give you the sequel you asked for! Thanks so much to the luvly ppl on the CA board for all your reviews! You're fab!!

****

Let me know what you all think!

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

She held her breath as the snowflake danced through the night breeze, fluttering with a gentle calm, its sharp, cold nature hidden beneath its kind beauty. Breathing out, she watched the air turn to white smoke as the heat was assaulted by the bitter cold surrounding her.

It was typical, LA suffered some freak snowstorm and she got landed in the middle of it. She rubbed her hands together, the friction doing little the heat up her numb fingers, and snuggled deeper into her thin jacket, craving all the warmth the knitted material had to offer. She was cold. No, rephrase that, she was freezing her cute little ass off.

She growled slightly and once again cursed her stupid co-workers. Those men and their god damn Slayer wannabe asses. Okay, so there were dozens of vampires and, sure they should chase them. But no, that didn't mean they should run of and leave her standing in the goddamn snow on Christmas Eve for crying out loud. And to think she had spent so long trying to find out what the stupid vampire wanted for Christmas. Had spent so long getting him the perfect gift. 

She checked her watch again. Twenty minutes. Oh yeah, they had a death wish all right. Especially Angel. That stupid vampire had been practically ignoring her since that night at Caritas, hence the manic gift shopping. I mean, sure, she wasn't the best singer in the world, but given his previous attempts on stage, it wasn't something to ignore your best friend over. Especially at Christmas. 

He had been staring at her too. Those gorgeous brown eyes lapping up every part of her and she had to wonder if she'd grown a third eye again, because he wasn't telling her what was so worth ogling.

She shivered and cursed again. God damn it, where were they.

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

Angel groaned. This wasn't his best Christmas ever. In fact, he was pretty safe in ranking it out there with the Christmas Spike got him drunk, horny and naked and tied him to the big tree in Licester Square. And that was definitely not a memory he needed right now. Especially since he was walking back towards a very pissed off seer who just happened to be his best friend and, oh, did he mention he was in love with her.

He remembered so vividly the moment that he had realized. That one moment when everything came crashing down. And he had been unable to speak to her since...or keep his eyes off her gorgeous body. The shape of her wonderful breasts...He felt himself twitch. These were not thoughts he should be having about his best friend but his body and mind didn't seam to register that. He sighed and groaned at the same time. Something that no novice should try. It was an art form he had been working on over the last 200 years and he was sure that if he were human he would be blushing bright red at the looks he was getting from Wesley and Gunn. 

Oh yeah, that memory wasn't something he needed right now. The image of a horny Spike and a naked Cordelia...okay he needed to stop. NOW. The thing was, she didn't even seem to know. He was just Angel. The best friend she'd stake in a heartbeat if he got a little too happy. And, oh, she could make him happy. He was sure of that. Thing was she didn't even know what it was that he found so damn lickable...likeable, he meant likeable...yeah, right...

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

Where were they? She wondered, pacing back and forth. It was Christmas Eve and here she was standing on a street corner like some Goddamn hooker. Some drunken cabby had already tried to pick her up...literally. Oh, Angel was so dead...er...deader.

She began to stomp her feet as she felt her toes numbing...in other words as she DIDN'T feel her toes. Her teeth were chattering as she watched the snow falling around her, creating a soft white blanket around her. But no matter how beautiful it was, it didn't change her mood. She was wet, pissed off and she couldn't wait to get her hands on that stupid vampire.

Oh, don't go there Cordy, she berated herself. So, don't go there. It wasn't bad enough that she had to put up with him mooning over the stupid Slayer and that she had been left here to freeze to death. Oh, no, now she also had naughty images of a very naked vampire running through her head. And boy was he running, oh yeah, Baywatch style, only more naked than that.

She had stopped trying to analyze her feelings for the tall, dark and handsome idiot a long time ago...oh, say, around about the time that Lorne spelled them out to her. Okay, so singing in Caritas hadn't been the best idea. Not only was Angel not talking to her but Lorne wouldn't STOP talking to her.

She heard footsteps behind her and she turned sharply, prepared to kill...until, of course, she landed on her cute, frozen little ass.

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

Angel watched her slip...he watched her slip in slow motion...and yet he did nothing, finding that watching her fall was somewhat compelling. At least it was until she looked up at him with that look. Oh yes, he knew that look. And it made his 248 year old form (demon included) quake with fear...Cordy was pissed.

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

She shivered again, subconsciously rubbing at her arms as she entered the room. Angel had invited them all round to the hotel, including Fred and Kate. And, much to her dismay, they had both agreed. 

Now, not to be a bitch...well, actually, yeah, scrap that, she was being a bitch. Fred she could almost handle. The girl's annoying, crazed rantings were getting fewer and further between and she could always tune her out. It was, of course, the presence of little Miss Blonde haired beauty who bore a little too much of a resemblance to Boffy the Vampire Layer and Darla, who's nickname you really didn't want to know. 

She glared, once again, back at the door and her teeth chattered involuntary. Angel had apologized, as had Gunn and Wes. And she had been too cold to get on at them. She was angrier at the laughing that had followed her fall. Oh, they had tried, but she had heard. Even Angel...

"You still cold?" She turned and glared at the vampire.

"What gave it away? The chattering teeth perhaps? Or maybe it was the shivering?"

A smile played at his lips and she glared, but couldn't help but smile back. Again she rubbed her arms.

"Come here." 

Before she knew it, she was in Angel's embrace. He pulled her tight against him and rubbed her arms and she knew she was having trouble breathing, and it had nothing to do with her proximity to the hunky vampire. Nope, not at all.

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

Oh, he was in trouble. He had heard her gasp and he could feel her heart beating faster in her chest as he rubbed her arms. He didn't know what had possessed him to grab her like that...well, actually he did. But, what the hell, that was the advantages of having a demon inside him. He always had a scapegoat.

It was then that his senses perked up. He continued to rub her arms, slowing the pace and making his touch more tender, gently caressing her. Smelling her arousal he pulled back, looking at her slightly flushed face.

He gazed into her eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing and not giving a damn. Her eyelashes fluttered as he moved towards her. Her breath coming in short gasps as he leaned closer, his lips almost touching hers, preparing to brush them gently, hoping to elicit the small moan he had heard so many times in his dreams.

"It's Christmas everybody!" Cordy quickly pulled away from him as Kate burst through the door, a big smile lighting up her face. He had never wanted to hit someone so much in his life.

Cordy gave him a weak smile as the others entered the room, calling them to join them by the tree. He watched as Cordy turned to him and gave him a timid smile, and, of course, he smiled back. This was all he could ever want for Christmas...to see that smile. The perfect gift.

He watched as she turned and entered the other room, the gentle sway of her hips teasing him as he, again, cursed his body for it's reaction. Smiling, he shook his head and followed her into the room, watching his friends celebrating. 

Maybe this wasn't such a bad Christmas after all, he thought as the Hosts words echoed through his ears, "Realizations are only the beginning"

Well, he certainly hoped so. 

~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~

****

END PART 2

__

Well, I caved under the pressure! ;) You wanted a sequel and you got one! Still like? :D

See, I try to write seriously, you know, nice description, draw the reader in...but it dun quite work...I always get pulled of course!


	3. Eureka!

****

Realisations 3: Eureka!

By Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness

****

By: Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness, First Nutter of the Apocalypse ;) (gets longer every time huh?!)

****

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, story is ;)

****

Notes: Yes, apparently it doesn't snow in LA…so I edited the last part a little! Use your imaginations for crying out loud! ;) Thanks to the people who were nice enough to point it out! (I live in Scotland, how the hell should I know the weather in LA?…if anyone wants to buy me a ticket to LA, feel free! ;) saves me asking next time! ;) )

~x~x~x~x~x~

He was watching her. She could feel his eyes travelling over her body and finally resting on her hands. She tapped the pen faster increasing the gentle patter against the page, knowing that it was being magnified due to his vampiric senses. She smirked to herself, payback was a bitch.

She still couldn't believe he'd done it. Not only had he made her sing in Caritas, left her in a freak snowstorm on Christmas Eve and almost kissed her. But he had growled. He had actually growled at her. She had walked into the hotel this morning, minding her own business and he had grabbed her and growled. He could blame it on that demon of his all he liked, *but they're your vocal chords buster* 

Okay, so she'd had coffee with a neighbour this morning…a male neighbour…that she'd deliberately hugged so that he'd smell him on her. But that still didn't give him the right to growl at her all sexy like that when he had no intention of doing anything about it. Curse shmurse. If he wasn't going to act then grr to him…*oh wait, that's what I'm mad about, huh?* Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…

"Cordy, do you mind?"

"Nope." There was a low growl from the other side of the room and she was mad. That was twice…okay so she went all tingly when he did it. Still mad. *Damn that sexy vampire for making me fall in love with him* She dropped her pen. But for the height that her eyebrows shot up to, she could have dropped her eyes as well. *No! No, no, no, no, NO!* Feelings? Yes. Love? Nope. She wasn't in love with Angel, she'd stopped analysing a long time ago. There was nothing to analyse anymore. Nope, nu uh. Not in love with the vampire boss man.

"Cordy? You okay?"

"Fine. Yup, uh hu. I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine?"

He frowned, "No reason." She nodded at him and turned away, "Except that your eyebrows almost shot off your forehead, you dropped your pen, you sat up straight, you spilled your coffee, your heart rate increased, your blood pressure…"

"Okay, stop!" Damn, she'd spilled her coffee.

"Well?" he asked, sitting forward expectantly.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking, I'm allowed to think amn't I?" He opened his mouth and she cut him off before he could speak, "Watch how you answer this one, buster, you're on thin ice already."

"Well you should know all about being on thin ice, huh?" Cordy turned to Gunn and glared as he leaned against the doorframe, grinning.

"Where are Wesley and Fred?" Angel asked, quickly changing the subject.

"English took her to some show. Think he's putting the moves on her." Gunn answered, moving to sit on Cordelia's desk.

"You mean she finally stopped drooling over Angel? Or has Wesley suddenly got a lot of confidence in his manhood?"

"Drooling?" Angel asked looking back and forth between them.

"Nah, I think she stopped drooling when she figured she had competition." He wagged his eyebrows at her and she scowled.

"Drooling?"

"I don't think she'd have much competition, what with the state of the brooding and all." Cordelia replied, hoping she wasn't blushing.

" 'at's true." Gunn picked up a large file from her desk.

"Fred was drooling?" Angel frowned.

"Do you mind?" Cordelia snatched the file from Gunn and threw it in a drawer, "That's private."

"Wait a minute, competition?"

"Do I even want to know why you have a 300 page file of 'Eligible Bachelors'?" Gunn asked raising his eyebrows.

Cordelia scowled, "I was clearing out. Besides…there's only 284 pages."

"Clearin' out. Right, tha'd be why you put it back in the drawer." She narrowed her eyes at him, "Wind changes it'll stay like that…"

"Thanks Grandma."

"…might be an improvement." She smacked his arm as he jumped back off the desk.

Angel frowned, "Just a min…eligible bachelors?"

~x~x~x~x~x~

He didn't understand the logic. He'd been around for over 200 years and his health, as far as being dead went, was in pretty good shape. And, yet, despite his vampiric speed, he seemed to be moving in slow motion.

*Fred? Drooling? Competition? Eligible Bachelors? Cordy hugging her male neighbours?* He quickly looked up…yup she'd heard the growl…again. He cleared his throat and looked away from her. He pondered it over and over. Brooding was more of an art form for him and he was currently giving Monet a run for his money. It all seemed to point to one thing…Cordelia was trying to make him jealous…but why?

*She couldn't be…no* he decided, she wasn't in love with him. That was impossible. That meant that there had to be another reason and he was determined to figure it out. He'd be miles ahead of Van Gough before he knew it…he'd also be as dead as him. Okay, so he was already dead. He'd simply be dead...er. And at least he'd still have his ear. *I mean what was all that about, anyway? He'd known Van Gough was a bit weird but the ear? That was a bit much. I mean, what about infections? And just think of all the blood.* His stomach grumbled. *Okay, so don't think about all the blood. Think about Cordelia…* .He'd figure it out.

~x~x~x~x~x~

Wesley rubbed his temples. He thought he'd had it. That 'Eureka!' moment had flashed before his eyes, only to wander off into the clutter of his mind. Worse, it had shown itself right at the end of 'Maria' and it had been all he could do not to yell out as the 'Jets' entered the stage. Thankfully, all that had manifested had been a sharp squeak that had simply earned him a few smiles from audience members thinking his excitement was overcoming him.

His embarrassment had been minimal and Fred's giggle had allowed him to laugh as well. At least she wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him. Although, she might be by now. He had wriggled in his seat since the start of Act 2 and now had begun to scribble on his programme in Ancient Gla'h'kri. The moment had gone and he wondered if it had even been there at all. 

It was all in the scroll, one problem with that being that he was ready to work now and the scroll was under lock and key in his apartment. And the other, more important, one being that it had had to happen during one of the best performances of 'West Side Story' that he'd ever seen. Only now, he was so busy scribbling in a now redundant demon language in his nice shiny programme, that he was barely listening to the melody of voices ringing around him.

"Tonight!"

His eyes widened as the word echoed throughout the theatre, *Eureka!*

~x~x~x~x~x~

****

END PART 3

__

What started out as pure fluff has kind of a plot now, well, a kinda plot...wonder how that happened! ;) There will be a sequel to this, probably only one more though


	4. Pain

****

Realisations 4: Pain  
By Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness 

****

Disclaimer: Joss, I'll fight you for 'em

****

Let me know what you all think!

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

She was pacing. Her heels were clacking heavily against the Hyperion's stone floor. He couldn't stand it. She was driving him crazy…in more ways than one. He was sure she was wearing these short skirts and skimpy tops on purpose. She had to know what she was doing to him, tight? Right, he meant right.

She was still pacing. He watched as she tapped the nail of her index finger against her teeth. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. He was ready to snap. Then she stopped. 

He sighed, *Peace at last* ...his thought was interrupted.

She was pacing again.

"Cordelia!" he stood up and she jumped.

"What?"

"What's wrong?" he moved towards her.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Then could you please stop it?"

"Stop what?"

"The pacing, the tapping, the nervous babble. You've been sounding like Willow in high school since Gunn left."

"Hey!" she frowned, "Actually, thanks. You just compared me to the brainiest person in the whole of my high school. My looks and her brains…"

He smiled and shook his head, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why would anything be wrong?" she shifted nervously, but flashed him a big fake smile, hoping he wouldn't press the matter…it didn't work. He had a playful look in his eye…it was kind of scary actually, she'd never seen him look playful before…

He smirked to himself and decided to have a little fun, "No reason," he moved closer to her and she stepped back a little, "I just wondered why you're so nervous all of a sudden." He placed his hands on her arms and gently drew circles with his thumbs. Her heart began to beat faster, but he wasn't playing anymore.

*Maybe she's not as immune to me after all* he pulled her closer, leaning forwards as she tilted her head to meet him. She took a sharp intake of breath as his lips almost touched hers. He watched as her eyes fluttered closed.

She grabbed her head and Angel pulled her into his embrace as the vision hit her. Her body began to convulse, but she didn't appear to be in any pain. He was worried, last time there had been no vision and this time, no pain, and he doubted the PTB were simply suffering from delayed reactions.

He gritted his teeth as the vision continued, it was taking too long. He cradled her against him as she continued to stare with unseeing eyes, her lips eliciting small gasps every now and then as something was flashed before her eyes. 

*He said it was only the beginning…* Angel repeated over in his head. Hoping that the Hosts words would bring him some form of comfort as Cordelia continued to thrash in his arms.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

Wesley was running. It was a pretty comedic sight to see the, usually proper, English man running down the street like a pansy, clutching his hat to his head with one hand and dragging along a squealing Fred in the other. He'd had that Eureka moment, he knew exactly what the Powers were doing and he knew exactly what was going on with Cordelia's visions…well, he thought he could babble through that part and at least make it sound like he knew.

Turning the corner, the Hyperion came into sight and he saw Gunn leaning against his car, holding the scroll that Wesley had had him fetch from his apartment. Waving the scroll at him, the younger man had stood up straight, motioning at his watch.

" 'bout time too." Gunn said as Wesley and Fred stopped before him, clutching their chests and grasping for air. "Now, you gonna tell me what this is all about?"

"He…he had a Eurika moment." Fred said, her breathing still somewhat erratic from the sudden bout of running. 

"Oh." Gunn said as they began walking to the door, Wesley frinally able to stand upright.

"Now all we have to do is hope that Angel and Cordelia haven't killed each other in our absense. Things have been getting rather tight between them lately." Gunn snickered and Wesley rolled his eyes at the man, grabbing the scroll. Pushing the door open, they were greeted with the sight of Angel holding a thrashing cordelia on the floor of the lobby.

"What happened?" Wesley said, crouching down beside the vampire, grabbing a hold of Cordelia's leg before it hit him.

"She had another vision, like last time, only different."

"Different? Different how?"

"This time there was no pain."

Gunn frowned, "Sorry to break this to you Angel, but she sure looks like she's in pain to me."

"This isn't the first vision." Angel said softly, glancing at the before turning his attention back to his seer.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

She had suddenly fallen to the ground clutching her head, clawing at it as she writhed in agony, flailing her arms around, the pain so unbearable that she couldn't think. She hadn't even registered that she was within a tight embrace as she screamed in agony, the searing pain in her head clutching at her, surrounding her, devouring her. 

After what seemed like an age, the pain ebbed away, leaving only a dull ache. Well, what she called a dull ache. She was sure any normal person would still be in agony. Groaning she rubbed her head, only now able to register what she had seen. Angel...

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

Angel soothed her, rubbing his hand along her back as he whispered soft reassurances. Suddenly he felt her turn and look at him. Her eyes penetrating him, wide and full of shock.

"Cordy, what's wrong?" he asked softly, almost afraid of her answer.

"Angel," she gasped, "I…" her eyes teared up and she turned away from him. It was then that she noticed they weren't alone. Wesley was beside her, staring at her with concern, as were Gunn and Fred, although it seemed that Gunn was holding Fred at a slight distance. God, she must look awful.

"Cordelia, what happened?" Wesley asked softly, helping her to her feet as she reached out her arm. 

"Nothing," she replied, cursing her stupid legs as they gave way beneath her, causing her to tumble into Angel's embrace.

"I've deciphered the scroll. I know what's happening…and it has to end tonight. Angel's soul will be anchored." Wesley replied happily. Angel's eyes widened in shock as Wesley, Gunn and Fred congratulated him.

Cordelia pulled away and headed for the stairs. She needed to sleep and she doubted she'd make it to her appartement. Heading up the stairs, she didn't turn at Wesley's call.

"Don't you want to know what's going to happen?" Wesley asked her, confused by her reaction. "Cordelia, this is a big thing. Angel will no longer have to worry about releasing Angelus, his soul will be…"

She turned to face Angel, staring at him, hurt in her eyes. "Angel's soul is already anchored." She whispered and turned back to the stairs.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

****

END PART 4

__

I just want to point out that the "tight" at the start was a typo that I was told I 'had' to keep in!


	5. To Forgive and Forget

****

Realisations 5: To Forgive and Forget  
By Kyizi, the Diva of Darkness 

****

Disclaimer: Joss, I'll fight you for 'em

****

Let me know what you all think!

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

Cordelia stared out of the window, unseeing. The curtains flapped about her as the balcony windows creaked their annoyance to the wind. He had lied to her. He hadn't just not told her, he had actually lied to her. The thought tugged at her heart and she had to close her eyes in order to fight back tears.

She heard a noise behind her and she knew it was him. He was cautiously making his way over to her and she looked straight ahead, not willing to turn around, not willing to let him see the pain in her eyes.

"Cordy, I…"

"Don't." she turned to face him, anger overcoming hurt. "You lied to me. You lied to me about Darla." 

The realisation hit him and he knew what the last vision had been. It hadn't been about the present or the future, but about the past. She knew he had slept with Darla, she knew.

"Cordy, I didn't want to lie to you."

"The why did you? Did you think I'd walk out on you? Leave without saying or doing anything?"

"Actually, yes. I thought you'd leave, although I figured I was in for a beating first."

"This isn't funny, Angel!" At the fury in her eyes, he took a step backwards, his knees coming into contact with the bed. He looked at it momentarily before snapping his head back up to meet her gaze. He opened his mouth a few times, but refrained from speaking. "Yes, I know. I know that's where you did it. Perfect despair."

Frowning, he stepped towards her. She turned around to look out of the window again, taking a few moments before walking out onto the balcony. "What did you mean by that, Cordy?"

She laughed, but there was no humour in her voice. "Perfect happiness to strip you of your soul, perfect despair to anchor it forever." She turned to face him, "Why do you think you woke up in pain?"

"I…I didn't know. It was like…"

"An epiphany." She said, repeating words he had said himself.

"Yes." He closed his eyes and stepped towards her. "Cordelia, I never meant to hurt you. I…I wanted to tell you…I wanted to tell you so much, but I was terrified of loosing you. Terrified that there wouldn't be anything I could do to keep you in my life."

"And you thought that lying would help?" she stepped towards him and raised her arm, hitting him hard across the face. He stumbled backward, teetering precariously at the end of the balcony, so surprised by her actions that he was of balance. Feeling himself pulled from the end, he fell forward a little, resting in Cordelia's arms.

"I'm so sorry, Cordy. There's nothing I can say to make this any better, I know that. I just…I just need to know that I won't loose you Cordelia. I need to know that you'll be here if I go out to help someone, that you'll be here when I get back."

"That's something that no one can promise, Angel. I can say right here and now that I forgive you…and, I guess in a way, I do. I forgive you because I know that your soul is here for good…but the…action…that's something that I'd rather forget."

"You and me both."

She smiled weakly before shaking herself a little; "There's something you have to do."

"Anything."

She laughed, "I mean, the second vision I got tonight was an actual vision."

"Oh." He smiled, a little embarrassed. "What do I have to do?"

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

"So…what? You're in the middle of a solo and you scream 'Eureka'?" Cordelia asked, frowning as Wesley cleared his throat embarrassed.

"Well…"

"It was more of a…holler, really." Fred added, nodding her head. Laughing, Wesley looked around the room. Angel and Gunn had just returned, having taken the young boy they had rescued home. Smiling, he pulled out the scroll. 

"It was the solo that gave me the clue, actually. Tonight."

"Tonight?" Angel asked, frowning. He turned to Cordelia, Fred and Gunn in turn, but no one had a clue what he was talking about. He continued, "Cordelia's visions, your Shanshu…everything centre's around the events of tonight."

"In what way?" Cordelia asked, suddenly interested.

"They're preparing to leave you."

"Leave me?" she asked, almost in a whisper. "But…but who'll help Angel? And…what about…"

"Angel will not need the visions any longer."

Cordelia's eyes widened and she blushed, "This hasn't got anything to do with the whole passing on of visions, like with Groo, does it?"

"Passing on if visions?" Wesley asked, taking his turn in joining the others in confusion.

"Never mind." She said quickly, avoiding Angel's piercing stare. "What about Angel? What about his Shanshu?"

"The event in your final vision, will be all that's needed to give him his Shanshu."

The air was thick with unasked questions. Suddenly Cordelia collapsed, Angel at her side in an instant. He held her. There seemed to be no pain, again. No nothing, except her eyes, staring at something that no one could see. And then Angel felt himself falling.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

"What happened?" He asked Cordelia, clutching at her hand in the white surroundings.

"I have _no_ idea." She replied, holding onto his arm with her other hand.

"It is time."

"The destiny has been fulfilled."

Both Angel and Cordelia turned around. 

"The Oracles," Angel said softly.

"I thought they were dead." Cordelia stated, slightly awed by the beautiful trinkets the female was wearing.

"Eh…these aren't the same ones."

"Indeed." The female nodded.

"The time has come."

"You have brought us a great gift."

"Eh…actually," Angel began, "I wasn't expecting the visit, so, you know, I didn't have time to get you anything…"

"The gift of life is enough."

"Are you confused?" Cordelia asked him, " 'Cause I'm confused."

Angel nodded, "I'm confused."

The male smiled and took the female's hand. They walked forward and Cordelia made a move to step back, halted only by Angel's reassuring squeeze of her hand.

"The destiny has been fulfilled." The female repeated.

"You mean the last vision?" Cordelia asked, frowning. Both Oracles nodded.

"But all I did was take the boy home. He was being trailed by a demon. Nothing out of the ordinary."

The female smiled, "Sometimes the most simple of things can be the most complex."

"Had you not saved the boy, he would have destroyed life as we know it."

"Your destiny is complete."

"Life a long life, our Warrior."

With a final nod at the couple, the Oracles raised their hands. Angel felt a searing pain run through his entire body. He watched Cordelia gripping her head, and then everything went blank.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

"Is it just me, or does he look more dead, alive than he did dead?"

"Charles." 

"What? Just seems to me he could use a bit of a suntan. Maybe a facial…I dunno, how 'bout a month in hibernation?"

Angel groaned and opened his eyes. The light made him curse and he took a deep breath before standing. Breath. He had breath. Throwing his hands to his chest, he felt his heart beating. He was alive. He was actually alive. He could live a normal life with…

"Cordelia?" he asked, turning sharply to the others.

"She's out on the balcony." Wesley replied, smirking. Nodding to the others, they prepared to leave. "It's good to see you…alive and well, Angel."

He smiled, "It's good to _be_ alive and well."

Taking a few moments to stretch, he began to stand and slowly make his way up the stairs. Everything seemed different, more real. He reached his room and slowly entered, almost afraid to see Cordelia, afraid of her leaving now that they were no longer connect, visions and warrior.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, Angel walked into the room, heading straight for the balcony. The sunlight drifted in aimlessly and he almost cursed when it hit his skin. Smiling, he walked into the light, relishing in the feel of it warming his skin. He suddenly realised that he was cold, freezing in fact. Was he always this cold? How could Cordelia bare to touch him? Cordelia. He walked towards her and gingerly placed a hand on her waist. When she leaned back into him, he pulled her against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"Is it really over?" she asked, still whispering. As if speaking aloud would take everything away, make it not true.

"It's really over." He smiled as she turned around, placing her ear against his chest and smiling.

"You're alive." She said softly.

"I am." He replied.

"The lets not waste any more time." Before he could say anything in return, her lips were on his and he felt himself drowning in her. This was how he wanted to live his life. Live, he was alive. Pulling her closer, and deepening their embrace, he was content. Realisations really were only the beginning.

__

~x~x~x~x~x~

****

THE END 

__

Okay, so the mush returned with a vengeance! I don't care, I like mush!

If you enjoyed, I'm glad, it was fun to write.

_Feedback__ is always appreciated J _


End file.
